Despair, and Hope?

My situation is impossible, and I cannot transition into the transsexual sex toy I want to be. To be able to truly become that in more than just my mind, I would probably need to disappear, be kidnapped, or sold on some underground sex slave market. And the improbability of that has often driven me to despair. Twice, almost to the point of suicide.

I'm young - a double edged sword, that gives me hope and causes tremendous pain. The family system of the culture I draw my roots from ensures that my family controls every aspect of my life, to the point of who I can call friends, where 'acceptable' places to go are, and what socially 'acceptable' behavior is, for a young *ugh* man like me.

Sometimes, my age gives me hope. I'm young, and still delicate looking for most part, and I believe that hormones can still work wonders on my body. I don't have many masculine traits, apart from nagging facial and body hair and the extras between my legs. I know that if I start transitioning soon, I can be a (mostly) natural shemale beauty.

But my age also drives me crazy. If I cannot transition soon, and if I'm forced to act out the charade of being a male for the rest of my life, I know that I will not be able to keep at it for that long. The easy way out looks very tempting at times. I've contemplated several ways of doing it easily - and a drug OD looks most appealing. Being freed from a painful life, feeling a once-in-a-lifetime high, while your candle goes out. Or feeling nothing at all, which is also ok. I've never done drugs, so I hope what I've read is true. I'd hate to fail at even that, and live somehow, after I decided to end it.

I would trade with the devil, submit to a life of sexual slavery, anything! I would truly do ANYTHING to be able to stop living as a male, and start a new life, as a transsexual.

Is there nobody who would want a slave? Kidnap me and feminize me, and own me. Whore me out, be my manager. Make porn films of me. Degrade me however you want. Sell me to another when you grow jaded. All I ask is give me a new life, one as a shemale.

Dear Mistress Gwendoline,

I am a huge fan of Yours, and I'd trade almost anything to spend the rest of my life worshipping the ground You walk on, and being the perfect slut/slave to You.

I visit Your website almost everyday, sometimes more than once a day. I cannot do without feasting my eyes on Your wonderful bust and cock, and imagining myself with similarly huge tits, bouncing every time You ordered me to get pounded in my ass. My pathetic sissy cock aches to be caged for your pleasure.

I fantasize about being just like You Mistress, with a huge bust, dressed in frilly sissy dresses, and paraded on the streets for the whole world to see, and fuck. I love Your stockinged legs, and the fetish high heels You wear, wishing that I could dress like that for You.

Every night, when I am alone, I wish that I was dressed up in a frilly skirt, with no panties, my cock caged and peeking out from under the skirt for the whole world to see and laugh at, my ass kept stretched by a huge buttplug or life-like dildo, ready for using at any time You should desire. I wish I had a bust like Yours, which screams SLUT out to the world, barely contained in a tight blouse that You chose for me. I wish I wore a collar, that had MISTRESS GWEN'S SLUT printed in big letters over it, with a leash that You would hold as You led me up and down the most notorious street of the city, trying to pick up Men with real cocks (not sissy faggot cocks like mine) who wanted to tear a sweet sissy's ass apart for Your financial gain and pleasure. I wish they would fuck me, lifting my legs on their shoulders, my wicked 6" stillettos locked on my feet glittering as their cocks piston in and out of me, as You watch Your sissy (me) get fucked. And when they're done, cumming in my ass, or on my face, they pay You for the use of my ass or mouth, taking Your number so that they can use me again.

More than anything else in my life Mistress, I desire to have slutty big boobs (real ones) like Yours, to dress up as a tart, or a whore all day, and belong to You, living only to please You, or whoever You want me to. I would love to be Your sex doll.

Oh Mistress, my cock, ass, mouth, body, everything that is mine waits for a chance to serve You! I would make a happy little sissy slut slave, if i could dedicate the rest of my life to serving You. I hope that day would come soon.

Yours, in every way,

Bobbi.

A fantasy...

I have a dream...

Looking like a submissive slutty bimbo, a cow waiting to be milked, or fucked hard, to be bred by her bull stud.

I wanna look just like my dream pic. Huge pendulous breasts hanging down, swaying as I crawl on all fours. A collar around my neck with a leash attached. My owner holding my leash, leading me to the milking booth, or to the enclosure where the bull waits, his cock hard and ready, semen dripping from it, waiting to plunge it into my ass to make babies. Little bells hang from the piercings on my nipples, so when I crawl, the swaying of my voluminous breasts makes them tinkle, and when I'm being bred, a hard cock in my ass, plunging in and out mercilessly, they jingle loudly to announce to the world that spring has come, and this cow has found her mate.

My cherry painted nails, an inch long, manicured perfectly flat at the tip, slightly rounded at the corners to make them harmless yet sexy, so that when they're wrapped around my bull's meat, and my cherry painted lips pucker around his meaty head, he has no choice but to harden instantly, to go wild with desire, to want to turn me around and invade my ass.

Rouge, and slutty eye make up, with pink or blue shiny eye shadow, and thick lines of eyeliner to highlight my eyes and complete my face. My hair bunched at the sides, tied with white ribbons so that they fall down the sides of my face giving me an innocent look, belying my sluttiness.

White stockings, with 6 inch white pumps complete my outfit - the only items of clothing I wear. My tranny cock, slim yet hard, peeking out from under me, oozing precum at the thought of my fate. Oooo...

Oh, if there was some magic to make my dream come true...

I swallow, not spit...

I'm going to be a cum swallowing cock slut tranny whore. I'm going to show all those fake bitches who spit man's most precious fluid after he gifts it to her that I'm more woman than all of them.

There's nothing that even comes close to swallowing your man's seed if you want to show him how much you love, adore and worship him. Looking into his eyes, with his white juice on your tongue, rolling it about in your mouth to savour its taste before swallowing it...

God, the thought is making me so horny. I wish there was a real man who could feed me my dose of proteins every day. I've tried my own, but that's not real man stuff. A few pathetic drops of milky cum aren't anywhere close to satisfying me.

I guess it's not for everyone. It took me a while to stop feeling disgusted and repulsed by the salty taste and the odd coating around the tongue and in the throat after swallowing my own cum. A little longer and I didn't mind it. Now, just the thought of sucking a hard cock and swallowing its milk is enough to get my tiny penis hard and start throbbing painfully.

Is it safe to swallow semen?

I guess if its your own semen, nothing could happen to you by that.

If it is not, you should be careful. You could contract diseases like AIDS and Herpes (which are the worst, because you can't cure them), as well as gonorrhea and syphillis. If you and your partner are loyal to each other, and don't fuck around with others, it shouldn't be so much of a problem. If you're both disease free before you start bangin' each other, you should stay that way so long as you are only bangin' each other.

If you're not sure about your partner's health, here is something to think about. You could escape catching something you don't want if you don't have any cuts or lesions in your mouth, throat or anywhere the cum is likely to come in contact with during your fun. Eating crunchy food, even brushing is best avoided before and after you drink your white protein shake. Once it is safely in your tummy, the digestive juices and acids will make a quick meal of it, killing anything that might have been there.

You can't get pregnant by swallowing cum.

The worst that could happen (not counting the diseases) is you could feel a little uneasy if your stomach isn't used to semen. You can't get fat, since most of it is water with a lot of protein, sugars and minerals. (It could actually be a very nutritious supplement to your diet)

Nutritional Value per serving (as found at WikiAnswers)

1 tablespoon typically contains

15 calories

150 mg protein

11 mg carbohydrates

6 mg fat

3 mg cholesterol

7% US RDA potassium

3% US RDA copper and zinc

If you're worried about diseases, you're just as likely to catch them if your man ejaculates on your face or in your mouth if you have cuts or lesions. If it is in your mouth, you might as well swallow it and enjoy the taste.

For most people the yummy taste of semen isn't yummy in their first try. It's an acquired taste, like whiskey and bagpipe music. Give it time and practice and you'll grow to love it.

Besides, the feeling of being a cum thirsty whore, a dirty tranny slut (or just a dirty slut if you're not one of us) who swallows is a feeling of pure bliss. Watching his girl swallow his seed will only make him hornier, wanting to deliver his next load deep inside your ass. *Giggle*.

Swallowing it is the next best thing to keeping the cum trapped inside your ass with a tight fitting butt plug or tampon.

My Fetish List

My rating from 0 to 10 of how much I like that activity.

A '0' (zero) indicates that the activity is off limits, and a 10 is a maximum.

The good life

What I need for a good life...

I'm not a simple kind of girl, so I guess I need quite a few things to be satisfied with life.

First, I'd like a lot of money (in cash) to get onto a regimen of hormones followed by breast enhancement surgery, facial feminization surgery (FFS) - various forms; trachea shaving, electrolysis, you know, the works. Oh, without getting rid of my cockette, that is.

Once I'm as fem as I can get, I guess I could make do with a lot less.

A steady, yet handsome, regular income to pay for all the sexy clothes and shoes I'd want to buy, visits to the salon, hanging out at bars and clubs to pick up guys, my apartment rent, 'toys' I might use, more sexy clothes and heels, gas for my car, the car...

I guess I don't really care how I make the money. I'd willingly star in porn flicks, with almost no limits. I don't mind being whored out. Or being a stripper, and then whoring myself out. Or maybe even becoming a contract slave.

There's an idea. I become your slave for, say, two months. I live with you, and do whatever you desire for those two months. Clothes, kinks - as you wish; Sex, all the time if you're game. Or with your neighbour if you owe him money. I'd even park myself at a truck stop and suck all the truckers for ten dollars apiece if that would help me pay for my upkeep.

But if a someone wants to take charge of me, I'm all yours. You'd own me completely, Yours to do as You wish. Provided You paid for my surgery and hormones and clothes... I'd love to be Your toy, sex slave, whore, with no control over my life.

My dream is to become either somebody's pet, toy, sex slave, slut or whore; who's only purpose is to use her ass, mouth, and breast for the sexual pleasure of her Owner and whoever the Owner wishes me to please. I want to live a life filled with sex and kinks, and kinky sex.

On the other hand, I would like to be a loving wife to a man who can afford me. A marriage of love. He makes me into what he could love, and fuck. I'd keep his house in order for him, cook his meals, take care of his laundry, clean up after him, warm his bed for him, offer my ass to him every night to park his penis, and be bred by him...

Gosh, either of those lives would be perfect, and I shall want no more.

A Weekend Alone

I was alone this weekend, and good boy became good girl. For most of the weekend.

I didn't get too many opportunities to dress up because I lived with my family, but this weekend I was Bobbi again. My parents and sister were away for the weekend, and I had feigned sickness and stayed back. God, I felt like such a dirty, lying slut, who'd stoop to anything just to be girly and slutty; and it was making me horny.

I had just finished prettying up for the evening. It was Saturday, and I was wearing a tiny black minidress, with a wide leather belt tightly wrapped around my waist. The huge buckle glittered with artificial diamonds arranged in the form of a Playboy bunny. The dress ended really high, just about covering my tight ass when I stood, and when I sat there was no way I could hide my panty. The dress belongs to my sister, and she looks really elegant in it, but because I'm taller, on me it screams "Slut!"

I wore a strapless bra underneath that matched my pink satin panty. I had put little mounds of foam in the bra to give my chest the shape I wanted. My hair fell till they just about touched my shoulder, and they gleamed - I had just finished brushing them one hundred strokes.

Over my foundation, I had applied just a light coat of blush to make me look delicate and highlight my cheekbones. A hint of blue silver eyeshadow with a delicate line of eyeliner completed my upper face. Red lipstick with a coat of gloss made my lips sparkle invitingly, making them look so kissable. When I looked at my lips, I imagined them wrapped around the cock head of some hunk, kissing the tip. That was where they belonged. *Gosh* I was such a cock whore in my head...

I had spent a lot of time that afternoon shaping and painting my false nails bright red, matching the lipstick I now wore. They looked so perfect, rounded, nearly an inch long, shining red. I shut my eyes, and imagined my delicate fingers, with my slut red nails wrapped around the base of a huge cock whose head was between my equally slutty red lips.

Black pumps with one-and-half inch heels completed my getup, and as I looked in the mirror, I wished there was really a man coming over to take me on a date; not some fantasy in my head.

I sprayed a tiny whiff of Escada, and I was ready. I spent the evening curled up on my sofa watching "Pretty Woman" while I ate tasteless microwave dinner. I so wish I was Julia Roberts' character in the film...

When it was done, I changed out of my dress, replacing it with a pink nightie. Nothing slutty about it - it came to my knees, didn't show too much cleavage, but made me look pretty and desirable. I took off my make-up, and tucked myself into bed with "Phil", my home made 4" silicon 'boyfriend'.

The only thing that could have made it a better Saturday night, would have been a real boyfriend...